The month of September is self-improvement month, so we thought we should get another interview in with our very own Blue Panda, who disappears more and more frequently these days. Panda is the epitome of self-improvement- that is to say, he’s much better off now than he was all those years ago. The interview is published unedited and in its entirety.
BP: …And that’s how I acquired the NJI Media helicopter. [Rattles rocks in whiskey glass] So how long will this interview take? I can’t miss happy hour.
JE: Don’t worry, it’s only 2:15. Are you wearing a holiday sweater?
BP: Yeah. What of it?
JE: It’s been a year since we last talked, what have you been up to?
BP: Let’s just say I’ve seen some things [stares longingly into the distance]. The past year was a wild ride.
JE: Care to elaborate?
BP: Well, there was a few Olympic gold medals here and there but I mean it wasn’t anything spectacular. Then, there was spring break in Cabo…. [looks at the ceiling as if to replay a memory], and that’s all I can say about Cabo.
JE: Gold medals?
BP: Look at me, what about this physique doesn’t scream Olympic champion? [Gestures toward immaculate panda body]
JE: Okay, but in what sport…?
BP: For one, biathalon. Want a demonstration?
JE: Never mind, moving on. You’re here to talk about “self-improvement” given that September is the national month of self-improvement. We thought you, of all pandas, could give us some tips on bringing out our better selves this fall.
BP: Listen kid, The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place It will beat you to your knees and keep on them permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you’re hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!
JE: That’s a quote from Rocky.
BP: Great movie, right?
JE: What do you hope to improve on this fall?
BP: Well as NJI Media’s official spokespanda –
JE: You’re not the official spokesperson. Or panda.
BP: – and all around best employee, I can’t say there’s much for me to really improve on. I will say that the rest of the team is really starting to impress me. I wasn’t sure at first, but I can assure you that they are going be doing some amazing things this fall. I hear they even won a few awards. Which, compared to a gold medal … well, nevermind.
JE: One last question –
BP: Before you ask, would you tell me what time it is?
JE: It’s 2:30pm.
BP: 5 o’clock somewhere. I’m out.